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Probably the most important learning for Craig, which would serve him well as he aged, was accepting that 5–15% of their encounters just didn’t work. Craig’s favorite story was about being in the middle of sex and saying to Ann, “I want you to really enjoy this, it’s for you,” and she stopped and said, “I’m not getting into sex at all; I was doing this for you.” Th ey were able to laugh it off , cuddle, and agree to try again the next day when they were awake, alive, and sexually receptive.

With these attitudes and psychosexual skills, it is likely that Craig and Ann will have a healthy, satisfying sexual life into their 70s and 80s. Th ink Independently Whether in your 20s or 60s, married or unmarried, holding an advanced degree or a high school dropout, we all learned a core sexual lesson—“A real man never has questions or doubts about sex.” In fact, most men learn the opposite lesson—“A real man is ready and able to have sex with any woman at any time and any place.” Th ese are very powerful cultural learnings, and men who question them are vulnerable to being labeled “wimps,” “gays,” or “girly men.”